Welcome to The Formers!

Welcome to The Formers, a place of fellowship for those who have found healing from same-sex attraction -- or are on that journey -- and their supporters. We want this to be a haven where you will find encouragement and where we can share thoughts, testimonies and concerns. As iron sharpens iron, let us strengthen and edify one another as we face the day-to-day challenges of living in a world that is growing increasingly hostile to those who stand on the truth of God's Word, which says that homosexual acts are sinful.

We also welcome pastors, ministry leaders and all who want to know more about the complexities of same-sex attraction and how best to minister to those in their midst who are struggling.

Why "the formers"?

The name actually comes from a tongue-in-cheek reference by a gay activist. We are like those who left their sinful lifestyles behind -- and that included homosexuality -- in the early Corinthian church. The Apostle Paul wrote to those Christians, " ... and such were some of you ..." in reference to their former dalliances with homosexuality and other sins. We believe it is necessary to draw a distinction between homosexual orientation, or a predisposition toward being tempted by same-sex attraction, and a life marked by giving in to those temptations or accepting them as normal. Only the latter is sinful. Every man and woman is subject to temptations of every sort, but God has made a way of escape for us (see 1 Cor. 10:13). It is only when we choose to act on those lustful desires or mentally obsess over them that we become guilty of sin.

Homosexuality is a most complex thing. It's doubtful that anyone really has a handle on it. We believe it is a form of brokenness that has its roots in early development, but is also influenced by individual temperament, the culture and each person's coping skills. It is a byproduct of our fallen, sinful state, most of all. Even if science one day finds a genetic predisposition to same-sex attraction, we don't believe gays and lesbians are designed that way nor do we think they are necessarily made by poor parenting. How a parent chooses to respond to a son's or daughter's declaration of a homosexual identity is certainly important. We can either leave the door to redemption open or slam it shut.

The door is always open, from Jesus Christ's perspective. Being "formers," we have empathy for those still struggling or caught up in this life of brokenness. We do not have words of hate or discouragement for them.

A word about ground rules

It is our hope that all will feel welcome to express their views through our forum, so long as their words remain civil. While we will tolerate freedom of expression and open, honest dialogue, we will have zero tolerance for any vulgar or hateful language or ad hominem attacks, regardless of individual ideology. Any such comments will be deleted and the poster will be summarily blocked from further participation in any forums here. Period. So, play nice or you're out of the sandbox. Our Web site, our rules. There are other places where you can go spout off vitriol and vulgarities. That's not what we are about.

We will periodically post new commentaries and articles here, along with links to pertinent items at other sites. We invite others to submit original commentaries, articles or pertinent links. We are happy to provide links to your Web sites once we have vetted them. We want to provide resources that you will find helpful, informative and edifying.

At least on a weekly basis, and sometimes more frequently, there will be a question, a news item or a comment posted that readers may respond to. Please remember the ground rules.

What does 1 Corinthians 13 say? "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have not love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails: but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child: when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

The Discipline of Disillusionment
From Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost for His Highest"

Disillusionment means there are no more false judgments in life. To be undeceived by disillusionment may leave us cynical and unkindly severe in our judgment of others, but the disillusionment which comes from God brings us to the place where we see men and women as they really are, and yet there is no cynicism, we have no stinging, bitter things to say. Many of the cruel things in life spring from the fact that we suffer from illusions. We are not true to one another as facts; we are true only to our ideas of one another. Everything is either delightful and fine, or mean and dastardly, according to our idea.

The refusal to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering in human life. It works in this way -- if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him every perfection and every rectitude, and when we do not get it, we become cruel and vindictive, we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give. There is only one Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Why Our Lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because He knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to Himself will end in disaster. Our Lord trusted no man, yet He was never suspicious, never bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man, was so perfect that He despaired of no one. If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone.